Bombay local - people in view are larger than they appear

Yeah, on my journey back home yesterday, a much stronger lady tried to fit herself in a space between me and the 4th-seat-stubborn female. She obviously ended up resting herself on my lap. Hello! I understand that the female was tremendously tired and needed rest, and when that dumb 4th-seat female wasn't ready to shift a bit for the benefit of all, the stronger female was left with no choice but being my laptop!

So I got up and went to find another place, incidentally facing these 2 females. after a while I heard some noise, of course, the ladies were fighting. The strange part is that I was quiet, trying to forget, the stronger female was quiet, trying to forget. The people who were fighting were the 4th-seat-stubborn female and an onlooker of the entire episode. The subject of the fight: Why the hell the 4th-seat-stubborn female doesn't compromise!

Damn. All I and the stronger female did was shared some blank and tiresome glances.

The worst was: I lost my favourite comb on the seat I left. I miss it so much :(

Bombay local - A train from Thane to Dadar

We were returning from a friend's kid's first birthday and it was around 9:30 in the night. Travelling in the central line is a rate thing for us and so we kept hopping from one platform to the other to catch the first and fast local possible. Finally, we got in a fast train that halted at Thane station.

The train had 4 types of people:

  1. Those who use Bombay locals to catch up with some sleep after a hard days work.
  2. Those who carry 10 times more luggage than their actual weight.
  3. Those who read books to make the most of their train-travel time.
  4. Cinderellas like my friends who need to reach home before the clock strikes 11 p.m.

While we rejoiced on finally catching that local, there was something that erased all the tension. The train was moving like a F1 car. At least people like us who travel within Bombay by the western line will vouch for it. Damn, it was tough and exciting to stand at the door at that speed. Our fast trains in the western line must be slower than the slow train in this route.

Try travelling by a fast local in the central side and trust me you'll forget all your perceptions about this less popular route of Bombay local trains.

'Yunki main jyaada baat toh nahi karti' types

Now these ones are the reincarnation of our popular Basanti from Sholay. These local train commuters talk talk all through the journey. They generally appear in groups of two or more. So if you are seated or are standing besides them, here is what all you get to know about them:

1.How irritating their mother-in-laws & sister-in-laws are
2.How irregular their bais (housemaids are)
3.How sacrificing they themselves are
4.How annoying and opportunistic their bosses are
5.How useless their colleagues are
6.How did they like the latest movie...
7.What a bloody @#$#@# their ex-boyfriends were

Well, the list is endless, so please wait for the version 2 of this post.

I would like to thank Kavita for her interesting inputs on this post.

'Main deodorants mein believe nahi karta' types

Meaning - I don't believe in wearing deodorants. These species found in local trains are the ones which cast such a spell on your senses that you inadvertently end up holding your breath / nose. They surely know how to keep people at bay and have enough space for themselves. And if you are the unlucky types, you well end up standing in a crowded train under the shelter of a human-repellent arm.

Annu's suggestion to the Non-'Main deodorants mein believe nahi karta' types:
Scream, "What is this weird smell around?"
Remove a deo from your bag and spray it all at the source of the odour.
Try holding your breath for the longest possible time. You never know one day you'll become a Guinness World Record holder for the same!
Meet funny commuters in Mumbai local trains right here!

'Maine ticket khareeda hai, main raja jaise baithunga' types

Space has become a vital part in the life of some of our 'smart' Bombay local train travellers. And I'm not talking about the space that we need in our life.

Meet 'Maine ticket khareeda hai, main raja / rani jaise baithunga / baithungi' ('I've bought the ticket, I'll sit like a king / queen') types.

They are 'trained to push the world, rush to the window seat and rest their weight on the fellow travellers. Did I mention that for this once, these people love to show off that they are fatter than they appear - they need more space to sit.

And God forbid if these kings and queens don't get a place to sit, they stand on our feet as if our feet were a carpet. These are the same class of people who never miss a chance to train even their 4-year old this royal technique.

Beware, these types are everywhere in Bombay's local trains - gents and ladies compartments alike. Did I mention that a fourth seat in the gents compartment DOES NOT EXIST? If someone happens to ask a third seat man to shift, that 'seat-beggar' is assumed to be a non-first class ticket holder.

Annu's suggestion to the Non-'Maine ticket khareeda hai, main raja jaise baithunga' types:
  1. Peaceful minds, avoid the neighbourhood of such people.
  2. In case, you are the rebel types, be prepared for high decibel level voices and insults.
  3. Embarrassing the hell out of these types can be the only solution for rebels.