Selling, buying, throwing oranges in trains

Chubhti, jalti garmi ka mausam aaya,
Aaya mausam taaze taaze oranges ka

Sweltering heat makes commuting all the more tedious. But hawkers in Mumbai local trains know how to make the most of it. "Dus ka dus" echoes in the trains during non-peak hours and our heads turn towards the voice. This dus ka dus however has nothing to do with the famous dus-dus ki daud challenge thrown at Aamir Khan in Ghulam. This is the super reasonable cost of oranges being sold in baskets in the Mumbai local trains' ladies compartments.

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Main pehle utrungi types (I'll be the first to get off the train)

Perhaps they never won any running race in their school days. Perhaps they were always the first from the last. These people seem to have just one motto in life – Leave the world behind, be the first one to get off the train.

So they move fervently towards the door of the local train. They don’t care if the train is crowded, if their pointed heels offer acupuncture to many a feet or if their WWF champions type heavy weight body crushes the lean mean creatures around. They are dead serious when they decide, “Main pehle utrungi / utrunga” (I’ll get off first), and who knows they might even drop you dead if you come in their way!

But don’t worry. It’s not tough to recognize and save yourself from these types. If you notice any or all the following, you have spotted them right:

• The train is packed like hell with no scope to move even your eyelids. Still you observe a person, just one person, moving her shoulders.
• They generally make sounds like – chh…, chh chh…, shhya…, uff…
• With heavy and big shopping bags, they occupy much greater space than their body’s diameter.
• They manage to ask each and every person in the compartment, “Where would you get off?”, “Are you getting down at the next station?”, “Why are you standing here?”, “Are you travelling for the first time?”, “Do you have a proper train ticket?” etc.
• They try to show that they are facing the maximum problem in the crowded train

So, keep these tips handy and have a safe journey. May you not come across the Main pehle utrungi types!

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When the train changes tracks, it affects the blind passengers

The other day I had another encounter with something on the Mumbai local that still gives me goosebumps. I was seated in the ladies compartment of a fast train. A blind innocent-looking man got in the compartment at Bandra and was standing near the foot board. No one told him to take the compartment for the physically challenged perhaps because the train wasn't much crowded.

Now, when a fast train to Borivali halts at Andheri station the platform mostly comes on the right hand side. And the man was rightly standing on the right hand side. I was busy playing golf on my cellphone when, after some time, the lady beside me said that it seems that the man is going to get off. As she said so, she looked on the door on the right side. And then it was all very sudden.

I noticed that the train is coming to a halt and the man is standing alone on that side. All the other females had shifted towards the door on the left as the train had changed tracks somewhere before Andheri station. All I remember are the unclear words of that female, and that there was not a single second to waste. By the time I rushed and reached to the man, he had already opened his blind stick and he was trying to feel the platform and get off...

Thank God and the female who noticed him that I could pull him just at the right time. Suddenly every single female realised what could have happened. Then all helped him get off on the platform, the one which unfortunately was on the other side for him.

Who would have thought that even a train changing tracks can be so dangerous for some. What if the man had been travelling alone? What if no one had noticed?

Few things still make me think:

• How come the females who moved to the other door didn't notice that there's a blind man trying to get off on the wrong side?
• Why did the female who noticed it didn't rush to help him?

Everything boils down to the same thing - we need to be more alert and careful while travelling, for the benefit of ourselves and our fellow passengers.

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Mumbai local trains - graffiti

Enter a ladies compartment of local trains and you would generally notice lewd graffiti scribbled wherever your eyes wander. However, the other day, I was more than impressed. There were green patches painted over what earlier used to be embarrassing and irritating words! The railway officials seem to help us out and make our travel a little bit easy.

Not just that, on the same day, at the same time, in the same compartment, a policeman too was present. Wow, now that's what I call a safe and pleasant journey. Hope that we don't come across lewd statements in railway compartments anymore and there's a policeman / policewoman to ensure our safety during late hours. Unless, of course, we all learn karate so that the police attends to other important tasks.

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Little bit relief in trains... at least for the women

Finally! The timing for the ladies compartment to become general has been extended. Wow! What a relief. So now the 'hungry to jump into the ladies compartment at 9 p.m.' men need to wait till 11:15 p.m.

For us, the ladies compartment is not a crowded fish market between 9 and 10 p.m. I thank the authorities responsible for this improvement.

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Bombay local - people in view are larger than they appear

Yeah, on my journey back home yesterday, a much stronger lady tried to fit herself in a space between me and the 4th-seat-stubborn female. She obviously ended up resting herself on my lap. Hello! I understand that the female was tremendously tired and needed rest, and when that dumb 4th-seat female wasn't ready to shift a bit for the benefit of all, the stronger female was left with no choice but being my laptop!

So I got up and went to find another place, incidentally facing these 2 females. after a while I heard some noise, of course, the ladies were fighting. The strange part is that I was quiet, trying to forget, the stronger female was quiet, trying to forget. The people who were fighting were the 4th-seat-stubborn female and an onlooker of the entire episode. The subject of the fight: Why the hell the 4th-seat-stubborn female doesn't compromise!

Damn. All I and the stronger female did was shared some blank and tiresome glances.

The worst was: I lost my favourite comb on the seat I left. I miss it so much :(

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Bombay local - A train from Thane to Dadar

We were returning from a friend's kid's first birthday and it was around 9:30 in the night. Travelling in the central line is a rate thing for us and so we kept hopping from one platform to the other to catch the first and fast local possible. Finally, we got in a fast train that halted at Thane station.

The train had 4 types of people:

1. Those who use Bombay locals to catch up with some sleep after a hard days work.
2. Those who carry 10 times more luggage than their actual weight.
3. Those who read books to make the most of their train-travel time.
4. Cinderellas like my friends who need to reach home before the clock strikes 11 p.m.

While we rejoiced on finally catching that local, there was something that erased all the tension. The train was moving like a F1 car. At least people like us who travel within Bombay by the western line will vouch for it. Damn, it was tough and exciting to stand at the door at that speed. Our fast trains in the western line must be slower than the slow train in this route.

Try travelling by a fast local in the central side and trust me you'll forget all your perceptions about this less popular route of Bombay local trains.

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'Yunki main jyaada baat toh nahi karti' types

Now these ones are the reincarnation of our popular Basanti from Sholay. These local train commuters talk talk all through the journey. They generally appear in groups of two or more. So if you are seated or are standing besides them, here is what all you get to know about them:

1.How irritating their mother-in-laws & sister-in-laws are
2.How irregular their bais (housemaids are)
3.How sacrificing they themselves are
4.How annoying and opportunistic their bosses are
5.How useless their colleagues are
6.How did they like the latest movie...
7.What a bloody @#$#@# their ex-boyfriends were

Well, the list is endless, so please wait for the version 2 of this post.

I would like to thank Kavita for her interesting inputs on this post.

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'Main deodorants mein believe nahi karta' types

Meaning - I don't believe in wearing deodorants. These species found in local trains are the ones which cast such a spell on your senses that you inadvertently end up holding your breath / nose. They surely know how to keep people at bay and have enough space for themselves. And if you are the unlucky types, you well end up standing in a crowded train under the shelter of a human-repellent arm.

Annu's suggestion to the Non-'Main deodorants mein believe nahi karta' types:
Scream, "What is this weird smell around?"
or
Remove a deo from your bag and spray it all at the source of the odour.
or
Try holding your breath for the longest possible time. You never know one day you'll become a Guinness World Record holder for the same!

Meet funny commuters in Mumbai local trains right here!

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'Maine ticket khareeda hai, main raja jaise baithunga' types

Space has become a vital part in the life of some of our 'smart' Bombay local train travellers. And I'm not talking about the space that we need in our life.

Meet 'Maine ticket khareeda hai, main raja / rani jaise baithunga / baithungi' ('I've bought the ticket, I'll sit like a king / queen') types.

They are 'trained to push the world, rush to the window seat and rest their weight on the fellow travellers. Did I mention that for this once, these people love to show off that they are fatter than they appear - they need more space to sit.

And God forbid if these kings and queens don't get a place to sit, they stand on our feet as if our feet were a carpet. These are the same class of people who never miss a chance to train even their 4-year old this royal technique.

Beware, these types are everywhere in Bombay's local trains - gents and ladies compartments alike. Did I mention that a fourth seat in the gents compartment DOES NOT EXIST? If someone happens to ask a third seat man to shift, that 'seat-beggar' is assumed to be a non-first class ticket holder.

Annu's suggestion to the Non-'Maine ticket khareeda hai, main raja jaise baithunga' types:

1. Peaceful minds, avoid the neighbourhood of such people.
2. In case, you are the rebel types, be prepared for high decibel level voices and insults.
3. Embarrassing the hell out of these types can be the only solution for rebels.

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